"That's as good a reason to keep yourself together as any," Matt says. If you're having trouble keeping it together for yourself, sometimes other people give you the reason you need, until you can get your feet back under you again.
But as for the question... it's a reasonable one. It is. He has to laugh a little, mostly because, "I don't know? At home, yes. I don't think I know how to not hide it, really," he admits, after a moment. "And even if things are different here... people already treat me differently. Sometimes, it's better to have it be the different that I can predict." And maybe take advantage of, but he keeps that part to himself. It's selfish, and not entirely applicable here, at least. Not when he's just Mat Murdock. "I don't know what they'd do about it, if they knew."
He doesn't laugh again, but instead, smiles wryly. "I can tell when people are lying, when they're telling the truth, when they're scared, just by the sound of their heartbeat. Most people... wouldn't be okay with that." Maybe Laura won't be. But she's the person he's decided can know, so he's willing to tell her, now.
"I know," Laura says plainly, then backtracks to elaborate. "I mean - I know that you can tell when people are lying. The ... other you could, too." Though she'd hardly call herself friends with that Matt, she was at least aware of some of his abilities, if only because that specific one had been cited right in front of her, once. "Most people like to hide behind walls that they build," she goes on, and she's not really exempting herself from that generalization. "They want to be able to control what other people know about them, and present themselves like good - like they're right," she amends.
Not everyone cares about being perceived as a good person, but most people really don't want to be thought of as being wrong.
"I'm not suggesting that you make an announcement to the network, but maybe your own walls don't have to be so thick."
"You must've known him pretty well," Matt muses, quietly. Well, that, "Or maybe he was just more open." He can't say whether he would be, under different circumstances. He can't say he wouldn't be, either.
Besides, "They do," he agrees. "And they can, because most people can't tell. It's fair that they don't like it when someone comes along who can."
And either way, "It was just an example, anyway." He laughs softly. "Maybe they don't, but I really don't know how I'd feel if they weren't. Maybe that's it." Maybe he likes having his own walls to hide behind, too. Maybe he doesn't let that many people through them, but maybe that's just his nature. He isn't sure whether it's something he ought to change.
"I never thought that I was coming here to change myself," he admits - not because he will or won't, in the end, but more just being honest, laying that out there. It's the truth.
Laura shakes her head. "I was just a ... client," she explains, and that doesn't feel like the right word, but it's the closest one that she has. "I was told that he would know if I was lying when I gave my testimony. That's all that could be ... confirmed. There were other stories. Rumors. That world is ... different."
She's careful when she speaks again, after listening to what Matt has to say, taking it all in and processing it as best she can. She knows how difficult it is to let down one's walls, especially when one isn't prepared to do it.
"I didn't think I was, either - but that's still what happens. This place changes people."
Matt just hums, but - it definitely sounds like a different world, not in
the least because people like Laura exist. Then again, he can't say for
sure that people like her don't exist in his world, only that he's
never run into them.
But he does know that he agrees with the rest of what she says. "It does.
Maybe it was foolish to think that wouldn't apply to wardens, too," he
says. "Although maybe it's what we need - the type of people that come
here, that sign on... we're here for change, and you can't necessarily have
that without changing yourself, too." Although the amount you change
yourself... that depends on the person. "I know that it would be easier
back home, for the people I care about, if I gave up this."
He indicates between the two of them - this being sparring.
Fighting. Being Daredevil.
"But you can't," Laura says, with a certain degree of familiarity. "I know.
I tried, too - I did not want to be what they made me. I couldn't ... just
keep killing. So I don't."
But there's more. As honest as she is with herself, and with other people,
about her own past, there are still things that she keeps close to her
chest. Things that would probably scare people if they knew them, and scare
herself if she ever admitted it out loud. "But ..." And she takes a deep
breath, her heart beating fast not from deception, but from its exact
opposite. "I can't deny what I am. I fight. I'm meant to. I have to. But I
can choose who to fight, and why. I wield myself," she adds,
with a soft, dark laugh. "The problem being here is that there's nothing to
fight. Not like this."
And even the practice in the Enclosure, or their sparring sessions here,
aren't enough to sate the need that was built into her. They're just
exercises. There's no purpose to them.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Re: Gym Spam!
But as for the question... it's a reasonable one. It is. He has to laugh a little, mostly because, "I don't know? At home, yes. I don't think I know how to not hide it, really," he admits, after a moment. "And even if things are different here... people already treat me differently. Sometimes, it's better to have it be the different that I can predict." And maybe take advantage of, but he keeps that part to himself. It's selfish, and not entirely applicable here, at least. Not when he's just Mat Murdock. "I don't know what they'd do about it, if they knew."
He doesn't laugh again, but instead, smiles wryly. "I can tell when people are lying, when they're telling the truth, when they're scared, just by the sound of their heartbeat. Most people... wouldn't be okay with that." Maybe Laura won't be. But she's the person he's decided can know, so he's willing to tell her, now.
Re: Gym Spam!
Not everyone cares about being perceived as a good person, but most people really don't want to be thought of as being wrong.
"I'm not suggesting that you make an announcement to the network, but maybe your own walls don't have to be so thick."
Re: Gym Spam!
Besides, "They do," he agrees. "And they can, because most people can't tell. It's fair that they don't like it when someone comes along who can."
And either way, "It was just an example, anyway." He laughs softly. "Maybe they don't, but I really don't know how I'd feel if they weren't. Maybe that's it." Maybe he likes having his own walls to hide behind, too. Maybe he doesn't let that many people through them, but maybe that's just his nature. He isn't sure whether it's something he ought to change.
"I never thought that I was coming here to change myself," he admits - not because he will or won't, in the end, but more just being honest, laying that out there. It's the truth.
Re: Gym Spam!
She's careful when she speaks again, after listening to what Matt has to say, taking it all in and processing it as best she can. She knows how difficult it is to let down one's walls, especially when one isn't prepared to do it.
"I didn't think I was, either - but that's still what happens. This place changes people."
Re: Gym Spam!
Matt just hums, but - it definitely sounds like a different world, not in the least because people like Laura exist. Then again, he can't say for sure that people like her don't exist in his world, only that he's never run into them.
But he does know that he agrees with the rest of what she says. "It does. Maybe it was foolish to think that wouldn't apply to wardens, too," he says. "Although maybe it's what we need - the type of people that come here, that sign on... we're here for change, and you can't necessarily have that without changing yourself, too." Although the amount you change yourself... that depends on the person. "I know that it would be easier back home, for the people I care about, if I gave up this."
He indicates between the two of them - this being sparring. Fighting. Being Daredevil.
Re: Gym Spam!
"But you can't," Laura says, with a certain degree of familiarity. "I know. I tried, too - I did not want to be what they made me. I couldn't ... just keep killing. So I don't."
But there's more. As honest as she is with herself, and with other people, about her own past, there are still things that she keeps close to her chest. Things that would probably scare people if they knew them, and scare herself if she ever admitted it out loud. "But ..." And she takes a deep breath, her heart beating fast not from deception, but from its exact opposite. "I can't deny what I am. I fight. I'm meant to. I have to. But I can choose who to fight, and why. I wield myself," she adds, with a soft, dark laugh. "The problem being here is that there's nothing to fight. Not like this."
And even the practice in the Enclosure, or their sparring sessions here, aren't enough to sate the need that was built into her. They're just exercises. There's no purpose to them.